The 2022 Cheesemonger Invitational NYC: Scenes from a Cheese Rave

For the uninitiated, the Cheesemonger Invitational (CMI) is a semi-annual cheese-mongering competition and cheese tasting spectacle, held in several U.S. cities, dreamt up and hosted by Larkin Cold Storage’s Adam Jay Moskowitz. That is, however, putting it very, very mildly. Cheesemonger Invitational includes education and preliminary competition rounds before an open-to-the-public event of cheese sampling, eating, shopping, and the competition finals.

What is the Cheesemonger Invitational?

To put it more sharply, the Cheesemonger Invitational is many things to many people. On the organization’s website, it promises a “a have-to-be-there, FOMO-inducing, adrenaline-pumping cheesesplosion, (with) rabid cheese fans (and) a grown man in a cow costume,” and it is indeed all of those things, and yet even more. 

For cheese professionals it is a trade show and networking event, timed alongside the more expansive Fancy Food Show. For competitive cheesemongers, it’s not only an opportunity to show off theoretical knowledge, tasting ability, and practical skills, but a multi-day educational extravaganza. For Moskowitz, one supposes that this is much more than a calling, but probably a life-saving one. (And indeed one can purchase “Last night a cheesemonger saved my life” merch if you can relate.) Interspersed among his calls from the stage for rousing choruses of “Moo Baa Maa!” (cheese-producing animal sounds, in case that’s not obvious,) were equally frequent pleas that if anyone was suffering from mental illness or addiction, to come talk to him for help. For everyone in attendance, including those who were simply cheese-curious or intrigued by an event that promised to be at the very least, quirky, it is nothing short of a cheese rave.

Setting the Scene of the Cheesemonger Invitational

After years held at Larkin’s cold storage warehouse, and a detour through the expansive Brooklyn Expo Center, this year’s CMI NYC was held at Brooklyn Steel, a Williamsburg venue operated by The Bowery Presents whose other upcoming presentations mainly consist of indie rock shows. Even being my first Invitational, I feel confident in saying that this is probably CMI’s proper outlet. The energy is way more mosh pit than trade show, and concert venue lighting, ambient fog, and a tall stage where numerous photographers and camera people wove through the activity makes the competing cheesemongers really appear to be the rock stars that Moskowitz has been insisting for over a decade that they are. (And they absolutely are.) Even the cheeses themselves took on a punk appearance, their usual ivory hues imbued with day-glo blues and greens. Mimolette looked nothing short of don’t-f*uck-with-me fuschia.

What Happens at the Cheesemonger Invitational?

Onstage a huge wheel of dramatically-lit Emmenthaler loomed large as if an opening act to what was obviously the highlight of the day: the cheesemonger competition itself, lasting about 2 hours complete with DJ, and bovine-clad Moskowitz as emcee and hype guy. 23 hopeful cheesemongers entered, and after preliminary morning rounds which included theory tests, salesmanship and tasting demonstrations, and composed cheese bites, cheese slates, and cheese pairings, the top 5 competitors were chosen to participate in the finals: Cara Condon of Chicago’s Beautiful Rind, Reese Wool of Murray’s Grand Central Terminal, Jared Kaufman of Minneapolis-based France 44, Evey Suelzle of Portland’s New Seasons Market, and Nathalie Baer Chan of Murray’s Bleecker Street. (Of note: Baer Chan was the first competitor in CMI history to accurately identify every cheese in the blind tasting portion, and my insider dealings at Murray’s told me that she’s relatively new to the industry, so that’s not at all intimidating.)

Elements of the Competition

The competition was equal parts pageant, game show, and extreme sports challenge. After relaxed rounds of cheese trivia and “what’s your favorite cheese?”—given the irreverence of the goings-on, I half expected someone to answer “world peace”—the real adrenaline-fueled, speed-skill festivities began. Contestants were asked to “glass wrap” a large half wheel in plastic, (way harder than it looks,) cut as many perfect ¼ pound pieces off of a large wedge as possible, wrap as many said pieces in cheese paper within a time limit, cut a perfect ½ wedge given only one cut, and wrap 5 odd-shaped pieces. The timers for each challenge counted down either 30, 45, or 60 seconds, the crowd often counting down the last 5 along with the clock. Despite these all being practiced cheese professionals, the struggle was often real, and there were plenty of heartbreak moments. Never have I ever reacted so strongly to the display of a food scale. 

Wire-based Cheese Commander Pro models were available for the cutting challenges, but competitor Wool took to the cutting challenge bearing a chef’s knife, which was equally badass as it was effective, and they seemed to fare better in the ¼ pound challenge because of it. Moskowitz was as rowdy throughout the trials as one would expect a heavily tattooed, cow-clad grown man to be, and the crowd followed in kind with enthusiastic echoes of “Moo Baa Maa,” when called for. The crowd noise could have been likened to something like Ninja Warrior, if not for the occasional niche call for “French wrap it!”

Announcing the Winner

After a brief break to tabulate scores, including scores from the morning’s non-public festivities, Beautiful Rind’s Cara Condon took the top spot, admirably repping Chicago with a Bulls jersey she’d donned partway through the competition. The crowd went wild, Moskowitz got emotional, and just as if we’d all seen an epic rock show complete with numerous encores, the crowd filed back out to the streets of Brooklyn after its conclusion, full of cheese, and of cheesemonger respect.